Monday, June 05, 2006

Passed Out in the Parking Lot

Okay... this morning was ridiculous. I'm driving to my gyno appointment around 9 a.m. and right when I'm like 2 minutes away I started feeling kinda nauseous and dizzy. So I pull into the parking lot, and i'm like holy shit, i'm freakin dizzzzzzzzy! I get out of the car and faint in the parking lot. Right outside Starbucks. Luckily, a man was driving by and he picked me up and carried me into the doctor's office. I hadn't had anything to eat except a banana but nothing to drink and the hot paramedic man said it was low blood pressure. I caused such a scene, I felt like a local celebrity. As soon as the helpful stranger got me into the waiting room, I collapsed in a heap on the floor! All because I jumped out of bed too quick and ONLY ate a banana. Who woulda thunk it? I had a stretcher and everything. I swear I could've been saved if I had just made it into Starbucks for my Tall Nonfat Sugar-free Vanilla Latte. Latte's are lifesavers. That should be their new advertisement slogan. Starring ME, local fainting banana-eating celebrity.
So they take me to the hospital and after two hours they determine I'm perfectly fine but... AM I PREGNANT? Uhhh.. since when did fainting mean I got knocked up? I swear... the parademics asked me, the nurses asked me and THEN the doctor! I was like wow, maybe I've got that guilty pregnant look on my face! So i tell them, 'Well... I mean it's not OUT of the question but I really don't think I am". You would think they would just ask me to pee in a cup and look for the little red line... or is it a blue line? I'm not sure, but anyhoo they take blood! Then they make me wait an additional hour to tell me No, I'm not pregnant! Thanks for the concern. They told my mom they were just taking precaution because I'm at the 'right age' to be pregnant? What the hell does that mean?? Can't you be pregnant anytime between getting your first and last period?? I'ts like going to the health center at school. When you tell them you have a funky rash on your ass or a bad cold they automatically give you a pregnancy test and an STD screening. Gotta love it.