Sunday, November 25, 2007

I Love New York... Hospitals!

Guess what?
I had a crazy infection on my leg last week and went to the hospital.
Guess what again?
2 days later, i had an anxiety attack AT WORK and had to be taken away in an ambulence and now my whole office thinks i am a side show FREAK!
Guess what ONE MORE TIME?
On my 10th day of medication, my whole face turned into a giant red rash and i had assorted spots all over my body!!!!!!!!

Luckily, i'm fine now... except for that my pants don't fit because in the midst of my medical induced depression i managed to eat 18 desserts and 45 chicken fingers.

Anyway, Thanksgiving was a lot of fun this year. Wednesday night I saw my entire graduating class at THE BREAKFAST CLUB! Yes, my town actually has an 80's themed dance club complete with a $15 cover and townies! Totaaallly worth it to sweat and dance with people I used to sit behind in Social Studies while sporting a hot, sexy rash on my face.

After a late night trip to the Peter Skank (Pank?) diner and an awful thanksgiving hangover, we journeyed to Emily and Elinor's place in Red Bank. 12,000 calories and several bottles of wine later, Sarah and I decided it was time to make a video of Emily's heinous 1992 wardrobe to submit to What Not To Wear.

Items worthy of mention include:
1 black and hot orange speedo bathing suit.
1 very gross 8 year old rhinstoned velour Delia's dress which she still wears to social functions.
18 assorted plaid tops.
some of the fugliest shoes to ever grace this planet. and Tevas.

As soon as the video is edited i'll be sure to post a link for your viewing pleasure!

Speaking of clothes, I decided to check out Sarah Jessica Parker's 'Bitten' line at Steve n Barry's today. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, talk about a camel toe! I don't seem to recall her sporting any of those at her fancy Sunday brunches. Maybe because those pants weren't $12.99!! Fashion for any size? Yiiiiiiikes, I guess she didn't mean vag size.

Well, i'm tired and my battery is going to die now.
More life updates coming soon!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Cheesy Tots!

Tonight's first order of business: Cheesy Tots!!
The fast food gods have finally answered my prayers with these miniature nuggets of fried fatty goodness from BK! AND... they serve them for BREAKFAST!!! Oh My!

Moving on.

My blogging has been really sparse lately. Let me explain.

It's not my fault, really. I have NO internet at work! None. No gmail chat. No facebook. I can't even check my bank account or look up the nutritional info for cheesy tots! I went from web-browing-supa-star to... person who actually does work while at work! The horror!!!

I've also been experiencing a sickness which Krystal has labeled CGS.
Classic Grandma Syndrome.
It goes a little something like this.
Wake up and go to work.
Come home from work.
Cook crappy food while watching Rachael Ray's 30 minute meals.
Check email and google image pictures of puppy dogs since you have no access at work.
Friend who is much cooler then you says "hey, wanna go to a bar later and see this super hip band you've never heard of?"
Reply "Ah, no... i gotta dry my hair and I Love New York comes on in 20 minutes."

Before it's too late, someone pleeeaase come over, drag me out of bed and force me to put on a bra because it's only 6 o clock! Thank you!

In other news, I have found me an apartment for next month in ye' old town of Hoboken, NJ. That's right, back to the Jerz! The excitement!!!
Seriously though that shit is waaay cheaper and since i'm planning my budget around a wonderful wardrobe of cardigans and more cardigans it just makes SENSE!
Please be sure to visit and take me to Target and/or the mall and to the Cheesecake Factory! (MOM!!!)
Also, i will live very close to my good friend Becky and will have more time to find the Jewish man of her dreams. Which is important. And also, i'll be close to work. Sort of! And last but not least, there is a Boston Market!! Mmmmmm all that creamed spinach!

The best part about giving up my room, however was finding the ad posted for it on Craigslist over the weekend.

Please read:

$1200 Luxury Doorman Building, master bedroom available DEC 1ST (Murray Hill)

I currently live with my boyfriend. Our roommate is moving back home, and we're looking for someone to share the space with. Master bedroom of a 1 BR converted into 2 BR apartment will be yours on December 1st. High floor of luxury building in the heart of Murray Hill with a great view of the East River and the UN. My boyfriend and I will pay 2/3 of the utility bills, you will pay 1/3. Apartment has nice-sized kitchen and bathroom with a cozy living room area. Laundry available in building and dry cleaner located conveniently outside the building. A quick walk home from the Murray Hill bars and tons of great restaurants. Please email me for more information, and tell me a little bit about yourself.

Here is my version:

$1200 - Building next to a great Luxury Building. Doormen who let just about anyone in. Eat dinner in your bed in the Master Bedroom. Available 12/1

I currently live with my boyfriend. He doesn't stop talking. Ever. Our roommate is on the verge of committing suicide because of how nasty this apartment is, so we're looking to share this space because we are too cheap to find our own place. Master bedroom is great, except the floor is peeling up because the maintenance crew used the cheapest finish in the whole wide world. High floor of the shittiest building in Murray Hill, close to a really great chicken wing place but that's about it. My boyfriend and I will pay 2/3 of the utilities and you will pay 1/3. Unfortunately, we will all share 1 bathroom and if you come home drunk you might have to pee in a Duane Reade bag in your Master Bedroom. We also don't replace toilet paper. Sorry! Apartment has a nice sized kitchen, however it is very dirty. I don't take out the garbage. Neither does my boyfriend, but he likes to leave empty pizza boxes on the counter and the floor, so feel free to take those out on your way to work. Oh, and that cozy living room. Just kidding. No living room! Instead there is a giant fish tank that I don't clean, ever!! Laundry available in the building and dry cleaner next door who charges $20 to hem a pair of jeans. A quick walk home from the Murray Hill bars, but an unbearable journey down 42nd street to the only subway in the area at Grand Central Station. Hold on to your wallet!!
Please email me for more information and tell me more about yourself. BYO toilet paper.