Sunday, February 24, 2008

Jewish Girls Eat Ass!

I've finally made it to the big time!
I mean... I wasn't discovered or anything like that. No fabulous blog-turned-book deal or even a job that would allow me to utilize my sweet photo captioning skills...
BUT... This is ohh so much more exciting!

I've recently discovered that there's a way I can track the referring URLs that bring readers to my blog.
In normal-people terms...

It is completely amazing yet disturbing that I am mostly on the first page of results for these...uhh.. interesting phrases, which makes me wonder...
Is there something wrong with me?
What are other people blogging about that I would be the #2 Google result?? What's more important than reality tv, getting black out drunk and discussing all types of genitalia?

NOW... it is time to share with you.
drumrolllllll please.
My Top 10 List!!!...entitled:
"Help! I will most likely get arrested/fired for being linked to these google results!"

#10: "Lake Bryn Mawr Camp"
Yikes! One measley reference to my uber-jappy all girls sleepaway camp and suddenly i'm the god damned google spokesperon! I can see it now...
Overbearing Jewish mother wants to send her little Alana to sleepaway camp in the Poconos. She's heard about Bryn Mawr, but wants to learn more.
The lightbulb goes on. "I know... I'll google it!"
I can just imagine the look of horror on her face when she is referred to my site. The Bryn Mawr reference gives way to Emily's lesbian wedding escapade...
Guess who's not going to that all girls camp afterall?!

#9 "Kowloon Strip Clubs"
Hmm... I ate at a nasty Chinese restaurant called Kowloon! I guess that means it's a real place... in China? With strip clubs? Mmmm... come check out my asian stripper blog!!!

#8 "Penis Modeling"
Woohoo!! Now we're talkin'. Adventures of an Unemployed Penis Model! Now THAT would be an interesting read, don't you think? I knew this guy in college who had a dildo modeled after his junk. I think that is truly wonderful for him. OK, next..

#7 "Lady Hairs"
Uhh-ohhh. Why do I have this feeling that like... an 11 year old girl was searching lady hairs, trying to figure out why on earth she was growing her own?! AND THEN... she finds out that I waxed mine off in return for more oral! Whoops! :) Sorry little girl's mommy. ahhhhhhhh

#6: "Jewish Penis"
i LOVE that someone searched for Jewish Penis.
It's like... "I don't want to see any old penis!!! It's GOT to be Jewish!"
Superb!! Religious genitals.

#5: "Carnie Wilson Swallows"
What was this person trying to find!!! Carnie Wilson swallows WHAT?! I mean, i'm pretty up-to-date on Celeb sex-tape fiascos, and really... i've never heard of a Carnie Wilson one!! If there is one available though, someone please send it to me ASAP!!

#4 "Sexy Jewish Girls Fucked in Dress"
Wouldn't that be 50 times more hilarious if it was "Sexy Jewish Girls Fucked in Bat Mitzvah Dress"?!... That would've totally brought it to the #1 spot.
It's great though, because when I clicked on the link, I discovered I fell into result spot #2 - sandwiched between a site entitled 'Sexy Brunette in red dress sucks then fucks...' and 'Free Porn Videos! Paula Abdul in sexy pictures..."
Mommy aren't you proud of me??

#3 "Dirty Penis Cheese"
I don't think that I've used these words all together, but boy... that's good. Once again, I fall into the #2 result, right underneath Urban Dictionary: Dick Cheese: "Gross mold-like stuff that forms on a dirty penis" Mmmmmm...educational!

#2 "Fat Camel Toes"
Yes!!!!! I knew all my talk of camel toes would pay off one day!!! Fat Camel Toe sounds extra raunchy, though. Have you ever seen those weird Nike sneakers that you can run in but don't need to wear socks. The toe area is separated into 2 parts, making it look like a supa-fat camel toe. I hate those!

#1: "Jewish Girls Eat Ass"
Ok, let's try to get into the mindset. Horny guy... sits at computer...
says to himself "Maaaaaaan, I'd LOVE to see some Jewish Girls eatin' Ass!!!"
Personally, I don't think that's very kosher. Nor I have eaten any ass lately!
But I really hope he got what he was looking for!!