ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
Right after I made my appointment yesterday, I confronted a good friend/co-worker who had also converted to Brazilianism not too long ago. I was seeking comfort, solace, a few words of wisdom before I said farewell to my lady hairs.
Mel- "Well, You'll have to get on all fours!"
Me- "Like... uhh.. on the floor?"
Mel- "No, you dumbass! On the bed!"
Me- "Ewww, Doggy Style! Is that for the ass hair region?"
Mel- "Yeah...That part doesn't hurt too much, surprisingly. But, the rest fuckin' hurts like hell!! It kind of turned me on a little, though!"
Me- "Oh."
I was officially creeped out, but there was no turning back. The Spa had my credit card number and I would be charged whether my lady hairs remained or not.
At 5:00pm I gathered my things and said farewell to my beautiful cubicle neighbor Monique.
Of course, my hair doctor wasn't ready for me.
So, I sat nervously in the waiting room skimming through US Weekly and wondering which celebs had been Brazilianized and which had not.
Lindsay-Lo? Hmm... probably.
Britney? Questionable bush.
Rihanna? There is most definitely nothing under her umbrella.
"Jessica? We're ready for you"
I followed my curly haired lady past a number of labeled doors. First there was 'Tranquility' and then 'Peace'. Finally, she led me into 'The Garden' and told me to remove my pants and undies and lay on the bed.
So I did. And then she came in. And told me to do this.
Yep, that's me. Spread eagle in front of a stranger. Yum!
"So, uhh... this is my first time. Ummmmm... Do most people leave a little somethin' somethin' or just get rid of everything?"
"Well, it depends. Some people leave a little. Do you want to?"
"Um, ok. Yeah. Leave a little. And then i'll decide, I guess"
WOW, AWKWARD.
p.s. i'm not going to tell you what I decided because uhhh, that's WAY too personal!
So she starts waxing me and i'm all
"Ouch!"
"Ahhhh!"
"OOOUUUCCCHHAAAAHH"
"Oh, that one wasn't so bad"
"You're pretty good at this" She told me. "Most people are really freaked out their first time"
"Oh, I'm a very good patient" I replied, eyes completely shut tight and holding onto the bed for dear life.
What I was really dreading was Doggy Position. How degrading! This is lady-on-lady and Doggy just didn't seem politically correct.
"We're almost done" She announced as she tweezed my remaining areas.
And running through my head is - Huh? What about the Doggy? I'm not getting Doggy?
"Ok, Now lift your legs up"
Here it is, position #2. Sooo much classier than Doggy.
Mel was right. This region was much less painful. She even waxed out some upper leg hair free of charge. Hoorah!
And then it was over and I was Brazilianized.
I pulled on my business casual slacks, paid my bill and walked home the 8 blocks to my apartment.
And then I ate my first dinner sans down-there-lady-hairs.
It was nice.
The End.
3 comments:
love it lol u r a mess - annon that really is just monique :)
not too bad for your first time! My first time I had a maaaannnn!! Talk about awkward! How can a man wax my lady region!? Needless to say I haven't gotten another one since that first time because I think I was scarred! But it was nice not to have to shave for like 3 weeks! Enjoy the freedom!
I bet you didn't keep that lil' somethin!
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