I'm Wearing Long Johns and it's 90 Degrees.

I did it. I got BANGED!
I really don't want to talk about it, though.

Ryan: Your hair looks great!
Me: I look like the mom from Everybody Loves Raymond!!!!!

Not my finest decision, but much MUCH better then the time I crawled home from my office christmas party and had to pee sooooo bad. So bad that I couldn't wait until my roommate got out of the shower and I umm.. emptied my bladder into a bastard Duane Reade bag in the middle of my bedroom, blinds wide open. Mmmmm, memories.

It seems this week is NYC's equivalent of fleet week... for police. I live and work right near the United Nations building. I can actually see it right now! From my bed! While watching Rachael Ray make burgers! In my awesome new thermal long johns! discounted 20% at Loehmann's!

There are seriously 30 police officers on every single corner. It's scary but comforting, except for when I went to Starbucks this afternoon and discovered the entire population of the latte line was in charge of saving my life. Sweeeeeeet.
Anyway, some are butchy ladies and some are quite awkward looking, but a decent amount are actually quite sexy. Specifically the ones located in front of the overpriced Mexi restaurant on 51st and 3rd. Laaaaadies, stop complaining about your lack of an orgasm and get yourself over to the east side NOW. These cops look mighty bored/horny.

Exciting news! I bought 2 new pairs of jeans (at previously mentioned Loehmann's!) and they were totally giving that shit away. I got 2 pairs of my first ever fancy, shmancy designer jap-jeans for super cheap which basically made me feel like the Queen of England except i'm jewish and curse a lot more. Only problem- I think they were made for the most giant woman in the universe, vertically speaking. I had to get them altered for $40!!!!! I paid $40 for one pair! I wish that was a joke.

Do you think that the dry cleaner union and the jeans-i-will-never-afford-full-price-and-sometimes-give-me-camel-toe-union have come together to completely fuck over all ladies under 6'5"?!?!?!

And if you really want to know what's on my mind right now, it's the Biggest Loser.
It's only week numero three, and holy shit, no one is losing more than 2 pounds! I want 20 pound losses and i want them now! I feel like i'm watching a super unflattering spandexy version of a Weight Watchers meeting.
PLUS, last night when the blue team lost they kicked off Jerry!! he's like 63 years old and lost more weight than all you other bitches and just wants to get fit for his grandkiddies!

By the way, I decided that the cutest thing in the whole wide world is an old man eating an ice cream cone. I don't know what it is! I just don't know...