When I first accepted my job last month, I immediately started my hunt for an affordable (or at least somewhat affordable) apartment in the NYC area. I imagined myself jogging through Central Park, meeting friends out for sushi on the Upper East Side and of course, getting wasted in the Village without worrying when the last bus leaves from Port Authority... or at least having to find a cute, single guy to let me share his bed for a few hours! I call this the 'Jewish American Dream', because it's all fucking impossible...if you make 28 grand a year and DAD-AY (daddy, for all you non-jews) isn't about to shell out $1,000+ bucks per month.
I scanned Craig's List apartment listings like it was my job...well, actually, I was doing this WHILE i was supposed to be doing my actual job. Oh, c'mon... you do it too! I mean, yeah... I do my work, but if i'm gonna stare at a computer for 7 hours a day you can bet your ass i'm gonna spend some sweet ol' quality time with my Internet Explorer. Besides, celeb gossip is always a hot lunch topic & i've got to be prepared. "Damnnn, did you see Lindsay Lohan's vag?? fuckin raunch, dude"
My only complaint is that I can't sign into MySpace, Facebook or Instant Messenger. When I open up my Gmail at work to find I have new MySpace messages, it drives me absolutely nuts! I want to check it so bad... but impossible!! I sunk to a new low last week when I received a message from a guy I had hooked up with the previous weekend. I swear... not being able to check that message was mental torture. It was just sitting there...waiting to be read. It was only 10am and since I don't get home until 6:30, I was desperate. Thank god for friends with unlimited internet access ...specifically friends that understand the need to Internet-stalk!! Within minutes, Krystal e-mailed me my message... and as unthrilling as the content of it was... i felt like a bad ass. i beat the system!!... OH, and i'm pathetic :)
Back to my apartment search. I knew I didn't want to spend more than $800/month on rent. OH BOY! Guess where I can live?! Let's see... there's Harlem, specifically of the Spanish variety. I can also live in various parts of Brooklyn, i.e. with the H&H in Williamsburg (not the bagels, i'm talkin' bout Haseids & Hipsters). Oh, and don't forget about good ol' NEW JERSEY! Which honestly, i wouldn't mind at all if that included Hoboken. However, I was laughed at by several brokers upon telling them my budget... so there goes that one. I actually saw a beautiful apartment in Union City, NJ. Ever been to Union City??? No? Please don't start now!! The area is abot 90% Hispanic and somewhat frightening for a young, white girl from the 'burbs. The only advantages I saw included cheap spanish food and the chance of shocking my parents with my very first inter-racial relationship!! Hmmm... I bet that would freak them into paying my rent in Manhattan... i'm gonna remember this one!
So, I decided to call it quits after seeing one too many dissapointing apartments... crusty-ass, old, dishwasherless living quarters with one bathroom for four people! I mean, if i'm gonna spend half of my salary to move out, it AIN'T gonn be to one of those dumps.
I've come up with a new plan! I'm gonna suck it up and live home for a while. It's what everyone has been telling me to do, but i've had serious blinders on. What's not to love about Old Bridge, anyway? We've got every fast food joint imaginable, not to mention like 6 nudie bars! Helppppppp....!
Anyway, i'm gonna save money, right?? That's what I thought. When my first paycheck arrived, I was thrilled! Sugar plum fairies holding up large dollar signs danced in my head. With no rent, utilities or grocery expenses...damn, i'm gonna be well dressed!! For the next week, Craig's List was replaced by Anthropologie, Urban Outfitters and Bloomies. I shopped during my lunch break--not to mention Pumpkin Spice Lattes galore and those fabulous little chopped salads that have like an 80% markup. The other day I spent $11... on a salad. Fuckin' whores... But, who cares?! I'm a baller now... All of a sudden I LOVE living home! Pass the potatoes mommy, it's gonna be a long ride!! Oh, you like my cardigan?? Thanks... it was only $120! Let's go out for spicy tuna rolls... my treat!! This manic behavior went on for approximately 2 weeks... until last night.
I have a sad, sad confession to make. Last night was the first time I've ever seen my credit card statement. It's true... I think I had a Visa before I even had my period. Pardon my gross visual! My jaw dropped as I logged into my account... i've already spent $1,000!?? But! But! I only bought a few measly sweaters and some food! I haven't even started on pants or jewelry yet!! Not to mention a new winter coat... UH-OH...
I suddenly felt deflated. Deflated and poor. I've already started to spend my next paycheck... ouch! I stared blankly at my statement...calculating...re-calculating and trying to figure out when it all went wrong. When did i become such a big fucking jap?
So now I have to live home AND budget my money? I miss my care-free college days.... Grad school, anyone?!
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