Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Job Shmob.

You know what really pisses me off? One day after my last post, I got the best Google Search of ALL TIME on my blog-stalking program... and I was the #1 result!!!
drumroll pleeeaaaase...
"Port Authority this morning poop"
I am so proud!

Anyway, as you may or may not know, last week was my fist day back at my old job. Hmm... is anyone else noticing a pattern in my employment history?
Where is my rich husband?! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere?!?!

Below are the reasons why I quit my 4-month old job from hell.
Please, feel my pain!!!

Here goes...

1. no internet
2. no 2 hour lunch breaks. Ok, no 1 hour lunch break. Hmm... felt guilty leaving for a sandwich... aaahhhhhhhh
3. working weekends folding clothes and trying to understand weird Europeans who want me to try on a 10 year old boy's jacket because i am the same height but fatter. Or at least I think that's what she said. Great.
4. Mice in the bathroom. Mice poopies underneath my desk.
5. Cockroaches running out of the bathroom.
6. Sitting in a stinky stockroom in Paramus, NJ for 10 hours while scanning baby underwear.
7. This 8 and a half month pregnant biatch buyer who commuted from Queens, yet couldn't get out of her seat and walk 5 feet to the printer and would call me and make me fetch her shit, and one time asked me to go buy her pizza in 10 degree weather.
8. The fax machine. It was from 1991, I think. It made that silly AOL modem noise, and took approximately 10 minutes to send 2 pieces of paper. Plus, I had to fax every single order. Ohhhhhhh my.
9. Lack of cubicle. Sat in an office smaller then my childhood bedroom with 5 other women who only talked about pregnancies, being dilated and breast feeding their offspring. Made me want to vomit on my slacks. Couldn't make any private phone calls because everyone could hear everything. Couldn't fart. Couldn't blog.
10. Had to listen to assorted Spanish radio stations all days because of the 2 Spanish ladies in my shitty room. Couldn't eavesdrop on their conversations because they were in Spanish, yet they could hear everything I said. NOT FAIR.
11. That one girl from Long Island who gave me dirty looks everyday.
12. Monday meetings where I had to sit on the floor because apparently i was the least important person and better people got the chairs.
13. The time I got yelled at by the head of security because I let Sarah use my "family discount" but apparently sisters don't count as family?!?!
14. Did I mention I had to work on Saturdays?
15. The Financial District might just be the most depressing area of New York City, not counting my old, dirty, fuzzy-picture-framed apartment in Murray Hill. Mmmmm, how i loved riding into the remnants of the World Trade Center every morning.
16. No Dunkin Donuts in the vicinity.
17. Dressing mannequins in fugly Easter dresses.
18. Man with red mullet who emptied my garbage.
19. Smelly cafeteria.

That is all.

On a more exciting note, as I was walking home from the Path this evening, a possibly drunk/homeless man told me I looked like Fiona Apple.
Woohoo! Highlight of the day!


Anonymous said...

Wow, you really do have a vile and perverted sense. Do you always feel you have to be disgusting and use valgarity to get a point across. Do you really think you are funny? Someone told you that didn't they. Someone that thinks they too are funny. When I read this blog all I could think of were 12 year olds on IM ranting and raving. Perhaps this is the reason you cannot maintain a relationship. Try a teeny bit of class. At least pretend to have some. If it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck it must be a duck. At least pretend. Wow, you must make the folks proud.

Hannah said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

dont you think chelsea handler, amy sedaris and sarah silverman got those same comments?
your bathroom humor is what makes this country and blog great. keep on pooping in port authority and fucking jewish girls in dresses!

love you
love your friend,

Anonymous said...

Wow, someone's bitter. Allow someone more bitter to interject. As the boyfriend of this blogger (of a year mind you, perhaps the relationship maintenance flaws lie with you and your gloomy disposition), I adamantly disagree with your characterization. Blogs are about unfiltered expression. As you felt a right to write this post, she has that same right to post a blog about waxes, bad dates, or whatever she pleases. The lack of class lies with you and you alone for calling her out on your own hypocracy. Perhaps what you should do is work to resolve whatever issues you may have towards whomever in your personal life as to not project your bitter feelings towards a random blog you googled. If her blog sounds like 12 years olds ranting is it fair to say your post sounds like a lonely, bitter, depressed person crying out for attention? Wow, you must be lonely.

Anonymous said...

Love ya, honey, keep 'em coming!!