Monday, April 14, 2008

The Poopy Dance

Spring has finally sprung, and my poop obsession is worse than EVER.
Let me explain.
I've always liked poop. Post-numero dos, i've gotta check mine out. It's been going on for such a long time now, that it's a total involuntary reaction, like eyebrow critiquing... or taking a big ol' whif of my own farts! I don't WANT to do it, i just do. I've gotta know!! I'VE GOT TO KNOW.
So anyway, here's what happened with the obsession.
ARE YOU REAAAAAAAADYYY???
i got a PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and damn, he is a major pooper.
His name is Ernie and he is 14 weeks old and a little buttercup of fur and love and chomps and smelly ass dumps.
I mean, this guy goes potty 4-5 times each day, it is totally crazy plus i'm a little jealous of his magical digestive system! At the rate he's going, you would think i'm feeding him chicken tikka masala for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

So, i have a poopy-bag dispenser attached to his leash, since i am kind of forgetful and don't want to be that girl whose pup takes a deuce on the driveway at the EXACT same moment that the soccer mommy is pulling her minivan in and I am bagless and need to run far, far away with my dumping doggy so i dont get fined or arrested or exiled from Hoboken for my lack of poop-pick-ups!

But here is when I knew my obession had gone over the top.

Yesterday, I took little Ernesto out in the backyard for a little unleashed romp session. He likes the backyard because it actually has grass, and i like it because there aren't any ciggy butts or bud light bottle pieces that he can chomp up.
I was on the phone with Ryan, discussing life and my indian food-induced tummy ache, when all of a sudden Ernie started doing... THE POOPY DANCE!!!
It goes a little something like this.
Sniff... sniffsniffsniff..
run to the left
run to the right
run back to the left
squat
get back up, that spot's no good
run to the right
sniff sniff sniff
dance in a circle
POOP while staring at me with his "give me a chicken flavored treat because i am pooping outdoors" face.

Me- "Ooooh, Ryan!!! Ern just pooped!! GOOD BOYYY ERN! GOOD POOP!!!"
Ryan- "uhhhh, yay?"
Me- "Hmm... where did it go?? Ern, where's your poop?! i don't see it!!"
Ryan- "If you can't find it, just let it be... it's YOUR backyard."
Me- ::searching wildly and sniffing for the camoflagued poop::
Ryan "Jess?"
Me- "I NEED TO FIND HIS POOP!! I WANT TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!!!!!"

Unfortunately, I never found the poop. I am learning to let go. I don't ALWAYS need to see it... although... i'd really like to.

Hope you weren't eating your lunch, sorry :)

Also, here are some photos of my new little man!!!!

Little Shmernesto taking a nappy and dreaming of bacon and cream cheese:



Don't you just WANT to see his poop? The cutest poop in the universe!!!



Ern getting his first look at the female anatomy... ohhh maggie, you are such a SLUT!!!

1 comment:

Hannah said...

maggie is a slut! and ernie is definitely checking her out spread eagle. hahhahahaha! doesnt maggie know better than to show her goodies to a baby? robbin the cradle ;)

and also....hooray poop!!!!!!